‘Whom will I marry?’ ‘With whom will I wake up for the rest of my life?’ Choosing the person you will marry is in my opinion the most important decision apart from your decision to follow Christ. And what is more – it is a decision that should be kept for your entire life. You can change your computer & printer but not your life partner (1 Cor. 7:11)!
What follows is the Scriptural base for choosing a life mate. The Scripture tells us that we must ‘find’ a wife (Pr.18:22). There is no ‘finding’ without ‘searching’! This article will aid you to be Biblical in your partner pursuit!
Here are eight words you need to keep in mind as you do that:
1. God Choose a partner who worships the same GOD as you do! Listen to Paul’s words in this regard in contemporary English: ‘Don’t become partners with those who reject God…Is light best friends with dark?’ (2 Cor.6:14)
2. Goal Choose a partner who has the same GOAL as you do! Mr. Lot wanted to escape the carnal city of Sodom and Gomorrah. But his wife didn’t think that was a cool idea. That is why she looked back as they were rushing out of the city. Guess what happened? She turned into a pillar of salt. And their marriage froze. Now take a good look at Mr. and Mrs. Noah. Both were united in their goal of escaping the judgment-flood by entering the Ark! ‘Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?’ (Amos 3:3). Marriage is much more than a mere walk down the Church aisle. Instead it is a lifelong walk together with your partner, correct? It is a till-death life stroll together, right?
3. Galaxy Choose a partner who belongs to the same GALAXY that you do, at least! There is nothing unbiblical about marrying a person from another culture, country or continent. Both Moses and Joseph married girls who were not from their culture. Obviously these girls were believers. Zipporah, Moses’ wife, though an Egyptian, was educated – in the ways of Yahweh. She had great faith in the Abrahamic covenant, which was sealed by the rite of circumcision. It was she – not Moses, mind you – who circumcised their son – a deed that shows that though she was an ‘outsider’ she was out and out for Yahweh (Ex 4:25)! But young people must be warned not to go overboard here. When two persons born to different sets of parents, who have lived under different roofs and cultures, come together to be bonded by marriage, there will invariably be some adjustment problems. Some alignment annoyances. Certainly! But after only having counted the cost of such adjustments and alignments I would advise you to step into cross-cultural marriages. Jesus said that before we build a building, we better sit down and count the cost! And remember that marriage and family life is a building according to the Psalmist who mouthed, ‘Unless the Lord builds the house….’ (Ps. 127:1). Again, saying ‘no’ to one proposal after another sheerly on the basis of caste considerations, is deplorable, to say the least! In Christ’s family ‘there is no longer Jew nor Greek…for you are all Christians – you are one in Christ Jesus’ (Gal 3:28)!
4. Gorgeous Choose a partner who seems GORGEOUS to you! Wanting to marry a ‘beautiful’ or ‘handsome’ person is quite normal. Bible specifically records that the wives of each of the three Old Testament Patriarchs – Abraham, Isaac and Jacob – were particularly pretty. Prophet Ezekiel’s pet name for his wife was ‘the delight of my eyes!’ (Ezek. 24:16). So what is the lesson? Marry a person who looks beautiful to you for ‘beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder!’. But wait a second! Do not make beauty the conclusive factor. Samson did. He saw a Philistine woman – obviously beautiful – in Timnah and wanted her to be his wife, instantly (Judg.14:2). This wife of Samson cheated on him (Jud 14:17). Remember that beauty is fleeting (Pr. 31:10). Charm that tape can’t measure – character that is – must be the deciding factor when it comes to life partner choice.
5. Grade The partner you choose must be in the same GRADE more or less as you are! Moses, a shepherd, married a shepherd girl. Jacob did the very same thing. But what about Abigail? This intelligent and beautiful woman married an absolute fool and her married life was far from cool (1 Sam 25)! You see marriage is not about having sex all the time! But it is all about communication. It is all about connecting with your mate. And for this to transpire, both of you should more or less be in the same IQ level – same grade! A prudent man will ask the Lord for a ‘prudent’ wife (Pr.19:14).
6. Grant Choose a partner without being all-eyes on the GRANT he or she can give you! Many young people marry with an eye on the several “M’s” their partners may have: money, muscles, mobike and mobile. This crass commercialisation of ‘holy’ matrimony is appalling. Sure, a couple needs money to set up a new home. In that case the attitude that both the newlyweds should have is: ‘I bring what I have and you bring what you have. Contentedly, let’s begin our life together!’ Recall the verse in Hebrews ‘Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have…’ (Heb 13:5). Incidentally that verse comes immediately after a marriage-verse that goes ‘Marriage is honourable among all…’ (Heb 13:4)!
7. Guidance Before you finalise the candidate you want to marry, seek GUIDANCE! One of the most godly kings that ruled Judah, a man known for his desire to know the will of God, King Jehoshaphat arranged his son Jehoram’s marriage to the daughter of his contemporary king in Israel. That marriage ruined his son’s life (2 Chron.18:1/21:6). The girl Jehoshaphat’s son married was none other than Athaliah, the daughter of King Ahab and Queen Jezebel, who was out to kill all the surviving members of David’s family (2 Chron. 21:5/22:2). Your spiritual leader – your pastor or Christian leader you respect – may be a good person to get guidance regarding marriage. Pastor Paul was quite involved in the marriage matters of his church (1 Corinthians 7/ Romans 7).
8. Guarantee If a person you are cool with claims to love you, look for a GUARANTEE! By the word ‘guarantee’ here I mean commitment. Too many girls (or guys) go head over heels when a guy (or a girl) comes and proposes marriage to them. They do not stop to check whether the boy shows evidence of his commitment to marry her. They do not cease to say to the concerned, Boaz’s affection for Ruth was quite deep. When the person who was supposed to marry her backed out, he stuck his neck out to marry her! Instead of saying ‘yes’ to the first proposal you get at marriageable age – try to sift the pure from the phoney. Take time to gauge the love of the commitment-shy chap swearing love to you – see if he merely wants a weekend or a wife! Someone has smartly and correctly said, ‘Marry in haste and repent at leisure!’ If you follow the above steps, you can be assured that the partner you pick is God’s will for you. Don’t keep on postponing your life partner choice looking for the ‘perfect’ partner! There isn’t one!
Author: Mr. Duke Jeyaraj an engineer turned engaging youth evangelist is the founder of ‘G Power 4 Mission’, Hyderabad.
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