We live in times characterized by egoism. Many people wear such an attitude: ‘It’s My Life’! The result is that genuine friendships are becoming rarer and rarer. How do we develop the art of being a friend; making and having ‘a few good friends’. We have scores of acquaintances, several associates, many colleagues at work, some ‘close relatives’ and of course our family. At the same time how many of us possess and nurture real friendships? Proverbs 18:24 declares ‘there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother’. Along with this Proverb even others from the same book reveals several insights regarding the quality of true friends worth considering.
The Satisfaction that friendship provides: Friendship provides a forum for sharing life’s experiences, our great expectations and our scattered dreams, joys and sorrows. As the proverb notes, there is intimacy and confidentiality that friendship precipitates on account of ‘being there’ for the other. It’s the feeling of being valued and needed, yet fostering the altruistic attitude that ‘it’s not about me’, leads to commitment.
Thus the fine art of friendship is based not on getting but a giving relationship – the essence of agape love. When we seek to befriend someone, we will be befriended and acts of mutual caring or sharing can be satisfying. Nevertheless there are issues. On-the-move, increasingly I’m realizing that the best that earth can offer by way of friendship and joy is fleeting, transitory.
The Safeguard that friendship promotes: The word ’sticks’ in proverb indicates a binding that promotes a sense of security. True friends will ‘be there’ by your side to safe guard your well being especially during tough time and adverse climates of life. They are not fair-weather friends since often, so-called friends are with you for what thy can get out of you, your influence or resources (Pr. 14:20; 17:17; 19:4, 6).
Real friends will journey along with you not just to the shiny mountain top but when you have to pass through dark valleys. They know the worst about you and are still committed to love you just the same! When they notice something wrong they will reprove or rebuke but always from a heart of love (Pr. 27:6). The Supremacy of friendship portrayed: I’m most grateful for my friends (my wife is my best friend, and helpful critic!) yet I am convinced our proverb alludes to a special friendship ‘closer than’ that of natural blood.
Who then qualifies to be your best friend? As I grow older, I’m realizing that earthly friends move on or even die and leave us, thus reminding us of our own mortality. Who can love us at all times, chastens us when needed, and in spite of all our failures promise never to let us down and never let us go? (Heb 12:6; 13:5) Surely it is Jesus who loves enough to die for us and is not ashamed to call us his friends! Come to think of it, this is a unique friendship between God and humans, supremely portrayed in the cross of Christ Jesus who loved me and gave himself for me (Gal. 2:20). Jesus’ sacrifice for you and me is the greatest expression of loving friendship (Jn.13:15; Rom 5:7-8). In responding to such love, an intimate friendship is born that can be developed – one that lasts not just for a lifetime but for eternity! True, friends are friends forever. To have a friend is to possess an invaluable treasure and what a friend we have in Jesus…!’
Author: Rev. Dr. Chris Gnanakan is Professor & HOD of Pastoral Theology & Counseling and the Dean of Chapel at SAIACS, Bangalore.
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