Guard Your Marriage - Mr. Philips Dayanidhi

Divorce is becoming as common as marriage itself. After just a few years of marriage, a sea change seems to hit the marriage almost with Tsunami power. It swallows up the goose bumps of love and breaks down the excitement of being together. Adrenalin rush at the sight of spouse or touch of spouse becomes extinct. Rigmarole of activities and chores of life rob the marriage of its joy.

Are Christian marriages insulated from such aches and pressures to part ways? Change in culture & ever declining view about marriage is for real and its here to stay. How do we react to these changes? Is there a way to “Guard your Marriage?” Daily newspaper, Times of India, carried an article titled “I quit” which talks about the steep increase in divorce among those married for less than two years. To give up seems to be easier than make up. Through the haziness that threatens marriages, let’s look for some principles, which would help us to “Guard your Marriage!” Devote time into your relationship: If there is one hallmark of urban couples, it is “Busyness.” Like helpless birds caught in the net of a hunter, couples are caught in a maze of activities. Calendars are full to the brim & one thing that takes the back seat is marriage.

Routines lead us to taking each other for granted. We can hear it as common as we breathe, as couples reiterate through the day, saying, “We don’t have time.” When asked to ponder a while on what is the most important aspect of life, without fail almost everyone will say, “To keep my family happy.” But in reality career, people, parties and selfish passions take the place of good times with each other. Antidote to overcoming activity addiction is devoting time into relationships.

First of all learn to say NO!! Say, “No” to anything, which will eat into your time together. It may mean missing few social events, not attending some not-so-purposeful parties etc. Secondly, it is to draw margins. We can’t do everything, know everything, possess everything or be everywhere. We ought to set a filter to separate from our activities what is needed and delegate the rest for someone else to handle. Learn to say, “No” to anything that increases pressure in your marriage. In the book of Samuel we learn that because Eli, the priest was so busy with ministering in the temple; he had not taken time to correct his sons (1 Sam 2:12). Successful career or ministry with a broken family is of no use in God’s hand. In fact it can cause more damage than assist in establishing His kingdom on earth. Prayerfully learn to say No! Read this poem by Orin L Crain, it will cause you to jam brakes on the speeding life & take a while to do what is important to build your marriage. “Slow me down, Lord Save the pounding of my heart by the quieting of my mind, Steady my hurried pace with a vision of the eternal reach of timeGive me, amid the confusion of the day, the calmness of the everlasting hills, Break the tensions of my nerves and muscles with the soothing music of the singing streams that live in my memory.

Teach me the art of taking minute vacations – of slowing down to look at a flower, to chat with a friend, to pat a dog, to smile at a child, to read few lines from a good book Slow me down, Lord, & inspire me to send my roots deep into the soil of life’s ending values, that I may grow toward greater destiny.

Remind me each day that the race is not always to the swift: that there is more to life than increasing its speed. Let me look upward to the towering Oak & know that it grew great & strong because it grew slowly & well. Determine your roles in marriage Charity begins at home is an old adage; in the twenty first century, revolt seems to begin at home. There is almost a rebellious reasoning to find out who controls the affairs of the home. Both husband and wife (in most cases) earn a thick wallet & have got into competing with each other more than complementing each other. We need to get back to the basics, get back to Biblical principles for husband & wife. Ephesians: 5 gives God’s blueprint for marriage and roles in marriage – “Husbands, love your wife, as Christ loved the church” (Eph. 5:25, RSV). “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord” (Eph. 5:22, NIV). It’s not about whether husband is superior or wife is superior! It’s about imitating the character of Christ in marriage; it’s to take time to do what Jesus would have done. Develop sensitiveness to each other’s needs .Your spouse is the second most important person in life only next to Christ himself.

You ought to love him or her as your own self. In one of the family seminars, the resource person made us read I Cor 13:4-5. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Cor 13:4-7, NIV). He then asked the audience to replace the word “Love” with “I”. If we replace I for love, it reads like this, “I am patient, I am kind, I am not envious, I don’t boast, I am not proud, I am not rude, I am not self-seeking, I am not easily angered. I keep no records of wrongs. I do not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. I always trust, always hope, always persevere.” Take a printout of these verses with I and put it in bold letters in your bedroom. Read it every day to each other. Then you will be able to develop sensitivity to each other.

Philippians: 2:4 says, “look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others,” (NIV). This verse is most appropriate in marriage more than any other relationship. Do you know what your spouse likes the most? Are you aware of his/her need for love, encouragement or affirmation? Do you know which is your spouse’ favorite past time? If yes, fulfil it on a daily basis, if not, learn to be sensitive to your spouse’ needs. Work at it. It may mean you may have to pick up a gift on your way back from office, or come early one evening to surprise her / him, or plan a special dinner or just holding hands to say ‘I love you & I understand you need me.’ Knowing each other’s needs and fulfilling it is never going to harm you, it only will build. It will replace grumbling with gratitude. On the contrary, not being sensitive to your spouse can mar the marriage of its pleasure. It would add on to the pressures already present. A happy marriage is happy life, guard it with all your might, apply the principles and it will transform your marriage.