Sizzling sailing with your siblings

Siblings. We grow up with them. Does our relationship with them glow? It isn’t smooth sailing always. But it is mighty important for us to have a great relationship with our siblings. At least 38 times believers are given the name ‘brothers’ in the book of Acts. God must have viewed the tag of ‘brother’ so highly, that He deemed it fit to be used interchangeably for believers.

To make our relationship with our siblings sizzling, we must flush out the following:

1. Comparisons! Comparisons are most often needless. ‘She is so pretty, but me – I am the ugly duckling of the family!’ ‘My brother is brilliant, but me – I can start an egg industry with all the zeros I have scored in my tests!’ To solve this problem we must first realize that each one of us is unique. Hence, comparisons must be thrown out of the window. We also must understand that God may have different plans for us and that particular plan is the very best for us. God’s plan for Nehemiah was that he should lead the Israelites in rebuilding the broken walls of Jerusalem. God’s plan for Hanani (Nehemiah’s brother) was that he report the condition of the walls of Jerusalem to his brother (Neh. 1:2). Probably, Hanani carried out all his duties diligently based on the conviction that God’s plan for his life was simply the most suitable for him. Andrew was always bringing someone to Jesus (Jn.1:41; 6:8; 12:22). Andrew was just an uncelebrated ‘pointer’ (of people to Jesus!) but his brother Peter was a ‘celebrated preacher’!

2. Copying! Noah’s second son had seen his father drunk and consequently disrobed. All he had to do was to cover him up. But instead, he broadcast his pop’s shameful deed. But his other two brothers were different. They did not copy his thoughtless act. With tact they covered their father. Shem and Japheth refused to walk in Ham’s harmful ways. Have you teamed up with your sibling in doing something you know you should not be doing? It may be to use the abusive language your older brother is using. It may be to cleverly con your uncomplicated parents about the protracted phone calls you get from your male friends like your elder sister so adeptly does. The pressure to just cave in will be Himalayan. But just don’t. Hang in there. You can do just one thing. Be blunt and bold in your “no” to sin, when they call you for it.

3. Clashes! It looks like Solomon and his brother Adonijah were not even on talking terms (Has that happened in your case?). Otherwise, what was the need for Adonijah to go to Bathsheba – Solomon’s mom – with the request that she tell Solomon about his desire to marry Abishag. (She was the young girl who had taken care of his dad David in his winter years.) Talking to your own blood brother through your mother – isn’t that strange? Awkward? Misgivings against your siblings – you may have them time and again. They are bound to happen because you are constantly rubbing shoulders with each other. But learn to overlook them. Pardon them. Forgive them. Don’t carry them in your heart but condone them. But we need to forgive and forget and move forward.

To make our relationship with our siblings really take off we must have the following two positive qualities as well:

1. Christ-reflection! David promised the Lord, ‘I will declare the wonder of your name to my brothers and sisters’ (Ps.22:22). After Andrew met Jesus, the Bible narrates, The first thing Andrew did was to find his brother Simon and tell him, ‘We have found the Messiah’ (Jn.1:41). Mary had somehow succeeded in bringing her sister with her to see her Son die on the cross (Jn.19:25). It’s amazing how most of us are quite keen to get out of our towns, states, and even country to tell others about the love of Christ, but fail to do it with our siblings. I just hope that what happened to the Rich Man of Luke 16 doesn’t happen to us. He was deeply concerned that the gospel should somehow get to his five brothers who were on earth (Luke 16:28). It was a grievous case of truth seen, far too late. Our first missionary journey must begin at home! Just start out by sharing your devotions with your brother. Quote a relevant verse in your e-mail to your sister. When one of your siblings falls sick, earnestly pray for his/her healing. Go to church with your siblings. Nereus of the church in Rome did (Rom 16:15).

2. Concern! The responsibility to make our siblings feel loved and cared for is on us. Squarely. Yes, God expects us to be our brother’s keeper (Gen 4:9)! Did not Jesus tell Peter, ‘Simon, take care of your brothers’ (Luke 22:32)? ‘A brother,’ the Bible tells us, ‘is born to help in the time of need’ (Pr. 17:17). Joseph and David ran errands for their brothers (Gen 37:13/I Sam 17:17). One way you can show that you care for your sibling is to compliment him or her. Don’t be stingy about the superlatives you shower on your siblings. Tell your sister how good she looks. Appreciate your brother for how efficiently he takes care of the garden. Throw parties for each other! Job’s children did that (Job 1:4).

When you do all this and more, none of your siblings will lament like David, ‘Even my own brothers pretend they don’t know me; they treat me like a stranger’ (Ps. 69:8). Or grunt like Job, ‘My brothers are undependable as intermittent streams…I’m loathsome to my own brothers’ (Job 6:15/19:17). If God’s given you a well-paying job then you may very well pay for your younger brothers’ studies. And don’t be mean enough to go after him and demand that he pay you back when he’s grown up and earning. Am I biblical? Surely. God’s word is clear: ‘Do not charge your brother interest, whether on money or food or anything else that may earn interest’ (Deut 23:19). Jesus hit out at a greedy brother who wanted his brother’s property saying, ‘Beware! Don’t be greedy for what you don’t have. Real life is not measured by how much we own’ (Lk.12:15). When Lot wanted the greener pastures Abraham let him have it and went for what he left out (Gen. 13:9). What have you willingly given up so that your younger siblings will not have to tough it out like you had to? Maybe you could start out by letting your sister watch her favorite TV programme cheerfully (even though the timing of her can’t-miss-it program clashes with your TV programme in yet another channel!) When you root out the negative qualities like comparisons, copying and clashes and inculcate positive qualities like Christ-reflection and concern in your relationships with your siblings you can be sure your relationship with them will be sizzling!