The sinking ship that isn't called Titanic

The movie Titanic is about a sinking ship. In this article I would like to talk about another sinking ship – the ship called ‘relationship’! Not many of us have a rip-roaring, rollicking relationship with our parents, right?

How do we go about developing a resonant relationship with our parents?

The key – I believe – lies is cultivating and nurturing the five qualities:

1. Obedience You must be stone blind if you haven’t noticed this candid command in the New Testament: ‘Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right’ (Eph. 6:1 Peterson Version). Paul repeats the same command (Col.3:20). King Solomon has a straightforward advice: ‘My son, keep your father’s commands and do not forsake your mother’s teaching’ (Pr.6:20 NIV).Now do you understand why the Bible tells us, ‘Intelligent children listen to their parents; foolish children do their own thing’ (Prov.13:1 Peterson Version)! When your parents tell you to do something, don’t question them. Follow the Nike philosophy: Just Do It. And hey, come on, they won’t tell us impractical things to do, will they?

2. Diligence When Moses was born, his parents had a dream for him. His parents braved Pharaoh’s decree that newborn babies should be killed, by hiding him because ‘they saw he was no ordinary child’ (Heb. 11:23 NIV). Our Parents too have dreams about us – that we will do well in our studies and land a well-paying job, living as a witness for the Lord there. For those dreams to become a reality, we kids have to work hard. ‘Lazy students embarrass their parents’? (Pr.15:20 Peterson Version). It is when we lazy in our studies and work we are actually inviting our parents to get strict with us.

3. Consistence Young Timothy ‘took in the sacred Scriptures with his mother’s milk!’ Even after he grew up he stuck on to what he learnt and never let it go (2Tim. 3:14-15 Peterson Version). The result: a certificate from Paul that there was ‘no one else quite like him’ (Phil. 2:20, Peterson Version). From our youngest years we have probably been hearing admonitions and instructions from our parents. Sticking to Biblical principles and Scriptural standards of conduct taught us by our parents are so immensely important that our very life depends on it! ‘Keep my commands and you will live …guard it well for it is your life,’ (Pr. 4:4,13 NIV). Our parents too remind us of the need to cling on to those traditional timeless teachings from the Bible. Eugene Peterson eloquently brought about this emphasis in his translation of the Bible in Proverbs 6:20-23: ‘Good friend, follow your father’s good advice; don’t wander off from your mother’s teachings. Wrap yourself in them from head to foot, wear them like a scarf around your neck. Wherever you walk, they will guide you; wherever you rest, they’ll guard you; when you wake up, they will tell you what’s next. For sound advice is a beacon, good teaching is a light, moral discipline is a life path.’

4. Acceptance: As a kid Jesus too obeyed his parents and accepted them: ‘Jesus went back to Nazareth with them and lived obediently with them’ (Lk.2:51, Peterson Version). When our parents ask us to do things that are plainly unscriptural – ‘Give a bribe and get yourself a good job’ etc – we are not obliged to obey them. But we have to be careful to resist the temptation to go for a debate competition with our parents on those issues of tension between them and us. The spirit of Peter’s counsel to believing wives that unsaved husbands ‘should be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives’ applies to us youngsters too as we go about tackling the generation gap (1Pet. 3:1-2 NIV). And when we do have to talk on a particular issue of friction between them and us we must not sound ‘preachy.’ We rather must be polite. Jonathan’s shining example is before us in this regard: Jonathan questioned his father, the jealous and envious Saul, who was bent on making him King instead of David, the man God chose for the throne. But he was courteous. ‘Please don’t sin against David. He’s never done anything to harm you. He has always helped you in any way he could. Have you forgotten about the time he risked his life to kill the Philistine giant and how the Lord brought a great victory to Israel as a result?’ (1Sam.19:4-5, Peterson Version). Notice Jonathan uses the word, ‘Please!’ We can never choose which set of parents we want to be born to! So the smartest thing you can do is to accept your parents – just as they are!

5. Benevolence The Bible tells us ‘the son is the first sign of his father’s strength’ (Deut.21:17, Peterson Version). It is rare to find a father on this planet who does not love his children with all his strength and want the very best for them. Even for a rebellious son, the love of the father can be huge. Think of the words that David uttered when his rebel son Absalom died: ‘0 my son Absalom! My son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you – 0 Absalom, my son, my son!’ (2Sam.18:33, NIV). Our relationship with our parents would be revolutionised the moment we come to grips with this soothing revelation: no matter what we have done or who we are, our parents love us. And every action they take for us is spurred by nothing but love. That means we must look out for little ways to reciprocate that love. One way to pay them back is to let them know that we are proud of what they are doing. Rahab, the woman who housed the spies of Israel in Jericho, was so concerned about her parents that she made the spies swear that they would spare them when Israel overturned Jericho (Josh. 2). We too can show our concern for our parents. There are plenty of ways: We can write to them every week from our hostels. We can send them a card or give them a phone call on their birthdays. While at home, we sure enough can lend a helping hand in their household chores. When we spend sensibly the money they painstakingly save and send us month after month – that’s a huge help. Don’t be stingy with your superlatives for them.

Remember, when we grow old, get a job, settle down, we should never ever forget to look after our parents and support them! By doing these five things I have described here we would ‘honour’ our parents. Do you know that this command to honour our parents boomerangs at us a stunning eight times from the Bible (Ex. 12: 2: Deut. 5:16; Mt. 15:4; 19:19: Mk. 7:10; 10:19; Luke 18:20; Eph. 6:2)? This is one command we dare not ignore, overlook, and slight. And mind you, this is the only command of the 10 Commandments clubbed with a promise – the promise of long life (Eph. 6:2,3)!