“Gulf returned, looking for a beautiful, god fearing girl of any religion or caste for a happy married life in Kerala, but who owns a beautiful house in either Kochi or Thiruvananthapuram. If interested, please send the photograph of the house immediately for quick settlement.”
This was a marriage advertisement put by a young man on returning from the Gulf. Every Christian marriage is like a house. And every house will definitely have three aspects irrespective of the size or money that is spent on the house. They are the foundation, the walls and the roof. These three aspects in a Christian marriage are vital to will keep the home unshakable even during the worst storms of life.Christ as the Foundation Today in urban India, divorce equals marriages on a daily basis. Why?
It is simply because of the shaky and wrong foundation. The most essential aspect of a Christian Home is to have Christ as the foundation. Human beings have over and over again attempted to build their houses on the foundation of money, education, beauty, a feeling of love and many other perishable foundations and have failed. The marriage advertisement at the beginning is a good example of it. Building marriages on wrong foundation will shake it up even when the slightest wind blows. There is an emphatic verse in the Bible that talks about building your house. It says, “Unless the Lord builds the House the laborer’s labor in Vain”. (Psalms 127:1 NIV) It is God who builds marriage and He should be given the top priority in our married life. Christ should occupy the central position of our family life, to have our marriages grounded on strong foundation.
Communication as the Wall The next key factor in a relationship is Communication. Good Communication involves both listening and understanding. During the early days of the marriage we are usually all ears for each other. But as days go by, communication is greatly hindered. Some people have the special gift of watching TV, speaking over the phone, reading newspaper and also listening to their spouse all at the same time. Research tells us that ‘Women love conversation more than men.’ If a woman speaks 50,000 words a day, they say men only speak an average of 25,000 words. If she does not exhaust those words over the day, she will be waiting to pour out to her husband who usually has used up 24,999 words and has come home with just one free word.
Communication is two ways. It requires both to listen to each other. It is by listening to one another that we increase the level of understanding between each other. As the Bible says, “… through understanding a home is established” (Proverbs 24:3, NIV). Time, Trust and Transparency are the main factors in increasing understanding. Spending time with each other provides the platform for understanding. Marriage also calls for great transparency with each other. The Bible says, they both were naked and felt no shame (Genesis 3:25). An ideal marriage relationship is where nothing of our past or present is hidden from each other. A sister who had been married for about six months told a family counselor, “I have not revealed any of my accounts and bank balance details to my husband. I’m just waiting to see whether he is really truthful!” It’s true that we are making ourselves vulnerable to each other by Trusting. But we have to do it in a marriage if you want to increase your level of understanding. Committed love as the Roof Thirdly, the Love that Bible talks about is more than a feeling. Its action packed. 1 Corinthians 13, talks about the main ingredients of love.
It starts by saying Love is Patient, which is one of the fruits of the Spirit. This love is unconditional and is committed to last for a lifetime. Often during the counseling sessions couples are bitter with each other and they say, “I have no love left in me for my spouse.” The reason for our love tank going dry is we commit ourselves to love each other, by the resource of love that we have. But the resource of love that we can have through the connection established through our Lord Jesus Christ is always overflowing. The way God loves us is unconditional. Bible says, “while we were yet sinners, Christ died for the ungodly” (Romans 5:6-8 NIV). Unless I’m excited about the love of God in my life, I cannot love my spouse the way God wants me to. Paul in Ephesians compares marital love to the love of Christ for the Church. Are we saying that this is humanly impossible? I agree, but it is possible through Christ. He loved us so much that He did not want any of us to perish in sin. So let’s get connected to His love if we want to love each other unconditionally. This love will be the roof that will keep a Christian Home warm and protected. Prayer: Lord, build our Home on the foundation of Christ, where all we do will be rooted in Christ, and give us the grace to understand each other by making time for each other, and above all, loving each other through the ever flowing fountain of your love that you pour into our hearts. This we pray in Jesus Name. AMEN
Author: Mr. P. C. Mathew pioneered the youth centers in the Karnataka region for the Marthoma Church and was involved in pastoral work for seven years. He currently heads the Urban India Ministries.
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