Beyond Hi Bye - Mr. Philip Cheriyan

Isolating someone from all contact is the worst we can do to anybody. That is why there are solitary confinement cells in jails for the worst offenders. Nobody likes to be there. But many of us live in jails of our own making, in isolation without friends. Often it is not because we are not good at making friends, but we have no ability to keep our friends.

Whether it is about getting to the top of the executive ladder or contributing on the social circles, the winners are the ones who have great friendship skills. The earlier we learn this better. Here are a few things we need to know about friendship. The mark of true friendship.

Some friendships are fleeting and some are lasting. True friendships remain intact, despite changing external circumstances. The Bible says in Proverbs 17:17 that “a friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need” (NLT). Friendships can go through tremendous demands. But we can stay committed to a friend if our relationship is based on God. What gets in the way of friendships? Humility is the best foundation of a relationship. But the greatest problems in a relationship come from pride. Humble persons are best able to recognize that they are not perfect. That motivates them towards self-improvement and to accept the imperfections of others.

Jealousy and envy are other great dividing forces in friendships. Envy of what a friend has will soon turn to anger and bitterness, causing one to separate oneself from the friend one truly cared for. Possessiveness can ruin relationships. Selfishly driving our own agendas and using others to our own ends kill friendship. We read in 2 Samuel 13:11, “As she was feeding him, he grabbed her and demanded, ‘Come to bed with me’” (NLT). In this instance involving Tamar and Ammon (2 Samuel 13:11), trust has been replaced by hate, violence and broken life. Friendships are destroyed when boundaries are violated. Forgiveness restores broken relationships. Real friendship involves loyalty What kind of a friend are you? There is a vast difference between knowing someone well and being a true friend.

The greatest evidence of genuine friendship is loyalty (“always loyal,” see 1 Corinthians 13:7, NLT). Loyalty is being available to help in times of distress or personal struggles. Too many people are fair weather friends. They stick around when the friendship helps them and leave when they’re not getting anything out of the relationship. We should not be like that. If we see something wrong in a friend, it is important to confront them about it. Eph. 4:15. talks about the need of, “speaking the truth in love” (NIV).

A gentle confrontation can lead a person in the right direction. That is also loyalty. The extra mile friendship The Law of Moses instructs us to “love your neighbor and hate your enemy” (Matt. 5:43-47, NLT). But then, if we are kind only to our friends, how are we different from anyone else? Jesus expects us to love not only our friends, but also our enemies. For the modern day man and especially for the urban Christian with very little time in his hand that can be a distant dream. However, that is our commitment and that is our call. What do I do when I’m having trouble making friends? We all go through times when it seems our friends have deserted us. The first thing we must do then is to remember that God is our constant friend and will never leave us in spite of all that our friends have done. Jesus told the disciples, “I no longer call you servants … “Now you are my friends” (John 15:15). “I will never fail you. I will never forsake you” are the promises of God” (Heb.13:5). What a comfort that is for us!